On Writing

I've suddenly realized that most of the things I've read lately aren't really that good. In a writing sense.

Let's take, for example, the Song of Ice and Fire series. What's interesting about it is the story. GRRM likes to wax descriptive in the food porn and the porn porn sections, but none of the prose is really particularly good. I never find myself struck by the beauty of the writing.

I guess it's kind of cheesy to say, but my favorite author is Douglas Adams. It's not for his plots (although Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency does work out so deliciously) but for the genius with which he puts words together on the page. He's kind of my un-motivation for writing a book, in a way, because I know that I could write something technically better than Dan Brown or Stephanie Meyer, but even if I had a thousand years to practice writing I'd never be able to bust out something even as good as the phrase "black-jeweled battle shorts."

Also it makes me super angry when people tell me that they can't bring themselves to read the Hitchhiker's Guide because nerds have ruined it for them with their incessant quoting about the towel thing and the whole 42 business. This is another example of my ongoing distaste for nerds, which I should probably write a post about at some point. If you are one of these, try Dirk Gently. You've probably never heard anything from it cause most of the terrible sorts of nerds don't seem to get past The Restaurant at the End of the Universe for whatever reason.

And even though the same people who have ruined Monty Python and the Holy Grail do their best for the first Hitchhiker's Trilogy book, I don't think they'll ever ruin it for me. It's a book I keep coming back to when I'm feeling down, and it really seems to help. I read that a lot of people have told that to Douglas Adams, and he was working through a depression when he was writing it. I could use it now, but I can't find my copy.

But see this is the point. His writing sticks with me in a way that JK Rowling's and GRRM's just don't. The only parts I chance to remember are the hilariously bad ones. So many of the phrases in Riddley Walker are burned forever in my mind, like "sarvering gallack seas" and "lorn and lone and oansome." Or from "Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius": "One of the heresiarchs of Uqbar had stated that mirrors and copulation are abominable, since they both multiply the numbers of man." It's like eating frosting! The good stuff becomes a part of the general mish-mash that's floating around in my head and periodically resurfaces. I want more of this kind of writing, but I also don't want to get into "the canon" cause it's SO BORING. Have you ever been forced to read Heart of Darkness? Or To the Lighthouse? I want good books but none of the ones everyone's reading are really good in the way I'm looking for.

Maester? I hardly know 'er!

So I've just finished the third Song of Ice and Fire book, A Thing of Stuff. Some thoughts, of course spoilers:

-Going into this, everyone tells you not to get attached to anyone. Right now, the only narrator characters left alive are the ones I do like. Tyrion, Arya, Daenerys, Jon Snow, and Jaime are all cool, and I am holding out for Sansa's developing backbone. I did like some of the non-POV characters who have died, but besides Ygritte I don't really miss anyone. I guess getting into them is a bad sign going into the fourth book.

-Too much stuff happens off-camera. You'll be going along, and someone will be all "hey, did you hear that Balon Greyjoy died and now there's a big fight over his stuff?" No, I hadn't, actually! Not seeing Robb for like, pretty much the entire time? What is this? Also where even is Theon? I think he's dead but I'm not super sure.

-The titular song of ice and fire has been mentioned, but we still don't know what it is.

-The first one ended enough for me to take a break, but the second one just sort of paused, so I got the third one immediately. I think there's enough of a stopping point here to take another much-needed break. I really don't want to catch up to the unpublished point in the series, to be honest. I like having them in existence but unread better. From what I've read on Wikipedia there's a big jump from the first three to the fourth one, so it seems like a fine place to put the series down. Maybe check out the show.

-I've always hated the sci-fi/fantasy "kind of real person names but slightly different" thing and this series drives me up the wall. Also, whenever they mention Joffrey all I can think about is Geoffrey from Strangers With Candy.

-See also crap like "southron" and "ser."

-Also can we stop calling them "teats?" Please?

-When I was a kid we used to go to the La Brea Tar Pits a lot, and they have that room full of dire wolf skulls. It was pretty awesome. Those tar pits are amazing and if you're near LA you should go, cause it's probably better than anything you were going to do in LA anyway.

-Daenerys looks like the Lady Amalthea.

-I always read Jaime like the Spanish name, and I really hope Lysa isn't supposed to be pronounced like Lisa.