Superlemons: Gettin' Way Too Personal

Getting to know people is so strange. They learn about the present you, but the way people drift in and out of your life, they never really know the whole you.

When I was in the eighth grade, I just sort of...stopped being able to deal with people. I didn't want to do school work any more, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to leave the house. My parents let me do the homeschool thing for the rest of the year. No psychology was involved. I decided that if any of my friends really cared about me, they'd call me. For the most part, they didn't. (Although two of them did come by my house once. I served them pumpkin pie which I didn't realize had gone off. (Sorry!) I've lost contact with one and am "facebook friends" with another, but I'd like to say thank you for your visit, it meant a lot more than you know.)

So the short version is I decided to remove all my childhood friends from my life, and I started over fresh in high school. If they remember me at all, it's as an awkward weird kid with a dry wit and strange outbursts. I'm sorry to them, I've been suffering from anxiety problems for quite some time now. It's too bad that they won't get to know the me who is trying to get better.

The people who know me now mostly know the me who had figured out that something was wrong and tried to act normal. How successful the façade was I may never know.

And those of you who read this are probably my best friends trying to humor me, who probably know that I have the social anxieties. And I thank you for reading. I really am feeling much better these days.

So yeah

I haven't posted in a while WHAT ELSE IS NEW? It seems as though the blog is transitioning from a nerd culture report to a crazy person's photocopied newsletter. I'm not sure I mind. I'm not quite well-versed enough in the unknown and bizarre to run a gig like the late, great Encyclopedia Obscura, and I don't really feel like I'm bringing much to the table comics- and gaming-wise. My instinct is to once again delete all that has come before, except that this time I feel that the writing is a couple tiers above terrible, and the post on Spy Groove brings in something like 90% of the traffic. Unfortunately, obscure MTV cartoons provide only so much mileage, and anyway I've only seen one episode of The Head. Does anyone remember the old Superlemons? The one that actually used the Meta-Cookbook review system? I thought not.

So yeah, I've had a lot going on recently. Coming up, probably a series of posts about going sane and having to rethink all assumptions.

A frequent element in my dreams is smoking. I have an overwhelming desire for cigarettes but am unable to get any for some reason. I get so desperate as to consider smoking half-finished ones I find in ashtrays. When I wake up, I think, hey, I can just go out and go buy some. Wait. Eww, I don't want to do that. My friend Kyle is getting all Freudian about it. Sidebar: when I was with Ben he was always a huge jerk to me in dreams and would try to get me to smoke, but I didn't want to.