Getting to know people is so strange. They learn about the present you, but the way people drift in and out of your life, they never really know the whole you.
When I was in the eighth grade, I just sort of...stopped being able to deal with people. I didn't want to do school work any more, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to leave the house. My parents let me do the homeschool thing for the rest of the year. No psychology was involved. I decided that if any of my friends really cared about me, they'd call me. For the most part, they didn't. (Although two of them did come by my house once. I served them pumpkin pie which I didn't realize had gone off. (Sorry!) I've lost contact with one and am "facebook friends" with another, but I'd like to say thank you for your visit, it meant a lot more than you know.)
So the short version is I decided to remove all my childhood friends from my life, and I started over fresh in high school. If they remember me at all, it's as an awkward weird kid with a dry wit and strange outbursts. I'm sorry to them, I've been suffering from anxiety problems for quite some time now. It's too bad that they won't get to know the me who is trying to get better.
The people who know me now mostly know the me who had figured out that something was wrong and tried to act normal. How successful the façade was I may never know.
And those of you who read this are probably my best friends trying to humor me, who probably know that I have the social anxieties. And I thank you for reading. I really am feeling much better these days.
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Because I need a URL for this picture
10 years ago
1 comment:
It's funny; I know you have anxiety problems and issues dealing with folk outside your comfort zones, but to me that doesn't seem to be a huge defining part of who you are. To me, it's more of a "people are dumb, but my friends are cool, sometimes I get headaches and like to go to bed early" kind of thing? I don't know, it's hard to explain. But then again, for whatever reason, you're comfortable around me (I think), so that probably colors my perception of you. I still think you're badass.
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